johnowed | theworld

self-help is OK

Yesterday I was looking through the shelves of old books at an antique store. I had passed by it once, but was drawn back to kill time as I waited for the free coffee a’brewing, and now found myself in a pre-1900s library (obviously their coffee gimmick worked).

Upon looking at the spines of the book, I could barely differentiate them as much of the print has been worn down. It was not until I saw the glowing gold writing “Character” that I was prompted to lift one off the shelf. “Character” by Samuel Smiles published 1892. First, I was amazed by the fact that I was holding something 120 years old, and second, I was intrigued by the fact it mentioned to be part of the “Self-Help Series.” I will also admit, too, that I was a little embarrassed by this and thought – “Self-help, well this just makes me look silly, I prefer the term ‘personal development’,” and went on to buy the book.

Thinking back now, why did I shrill at the fact that I may be picking up a self-help book (even an ancient one)? I have also had a similar reaction to by friends when they ask me what I am reading at times, and they say something like, “Oh, your into that self-help stuff.” I feel myself tense up a bit, “No no no, personal development!” I correct them and feel a little more at easy.

Reflecting on all of these experiences, how guilty am I for denying the very thing that I am doing? Yes, many books that I read do fall into “Personal Development,” but at the same time they are “Self-Help” books. It seems that the very things I am striving for – self-discipline, right-thought, independence – are being compromised by the fact that I care what other think about me “self-helping” myself.

Now that I can say it, why self-help?

• To be a better person.
• To question what I do each day.
• To not “go with the flow.”
• To say no to things that compromise who I am.
• To walk unencumbered among all others.
• To love each day.

THE BOTTOM-LINE: I am a self-help advocate. I read it, I do it, I live it.

sleep when the wind blows

A great story…

A farmer needed an extra hand to help on his farm. One young man came to interview for the job. “What are your qualifications?” the farmer asked. “I can sleep when the wind blows,” the young man said. This simple reply confused the farmer, but he was desperate for help and the young man was hired.

The young man was a diligent worker through the harvest season, but the farmer still questioned his answer.

Autumn ended and the first cold storm of winter came late one night. The farmer panicked as the winds began to blow. Calling the young man for help, the farmer grabbed his coat and pulled heavy boots on his feet. He was disappointed to find the young man asleep in bed at a time like this. Grudgingly he ventured out alone planning to shuffle all of the animals in the barn and then fix that last hole in the roof. He mumbled about the young man sleeping and was sure all the farm equipment was left standing in the field, collecting rust from the snow.

However, when the farmer reached the barn all the animals were tucked safely inside. In fact, clean hay had already been set out for the new day. Not a single hole could be found in the roof, and the tractor was parked perfectly in the shed.

“Who could have done it?” the farmer wondered. And then, he realized what the young man’s answer meant, “I can sleep when the wind blows.”

 

my inspiration

I shall learn from others past experience. A story which has really made a difference in my life…

When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world.

I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation.

When I found I couldn’t change the nation, I began to focus on my town.

I couldn’t change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family.

Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family. My family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world.

a tightrope walker

I have always enjoyed the term “balance” and an important analogy that has helped color this word for me is the idea of a tightrope walker. They have impeccable balance – which is why they are able to cross a thin string across long distances. Even when in balance, however, they sway side-to-side, and are never perfectly rigid – and never in perfect balance. The sway is actually what keeps them up there, keeps them moving forward, sometimes left / sometimes right, and in the end they get to their destination.

The mind and the body are also striving to be in balance – they too sway side to side, but are so quick to adapt and signal a change that should take place. Over two months ago, I made the decision to start blogging with no real plan. I was not sure why or what got into me, but I knew that it was I needed to do – so I did it. Now, retrospectively I can see how blogging and becoming public with some of my inner most thoughts was essential to my development – and a sway to keep me in balance.

It was not planned out, but it did provide a much needed venting that was imperative to moving on to the next step. I can look back at my blogs and imagine what I was thinking. I was at a time when I thought that the more I accomplished in a day – the better off I was. And at that very point I was motivated by accomplishment, and the need to achieve. Really what I was doing though was forceful and counterproductive. I never lost my positive spirit, but I was on the verge of losing the fact that life is a journey that is meant to be enjoyed – a sure way to extinguish positive spirit. By observing myself, becoming public with some of my habits and thoughts, I was able to think critically about them, not as myself internally, but by observing someone else. The fact of the matter is, is that the best things in my life have come from random occurrences and being in a certain place at a certain time. Coupling this was always a positive mental attitude, a smile, and curiosity – all in an extremely genuine way.

Regardless of the what, it is the how and why. It is never by being forceful, stern, or pushing forward harder and harder, but by listening to my internal balance. Unfortunately, while the mind and body will communicate the changes that need to take place, they will not carry them out. It takes listening, and more importantly action.

Having confidence in this internal balance beam makes each day impossible to fail.

answering ‘why?’

I have talked a little about observing the thinker and thinking about thinking, but have done little to explain what this may look like. I only post now because this just happened to me, and it is a good example to follow.

I am currently on a bus ride reaching the 13 hour and just through on my iPod to listen to some crunchy beats. After putting on one artist, I realize that it just wasn’t doing it and quickly switched to another. While solely performing this as an unconscious act, it is impossible to know what truly motivated this behavior. When I found myself doing this, I actually switched into a thinking mode, and asked why?

Why am I listening to music?

Why did I select this artist?

Why was it not good enough?

If it was motivated by boredom, why am I bored?

To be fair, this is not exactly an analysis that has stumped Socrates for years, but is a small example of how simple impulses can help explain why I do the things that I do. Outside of this, why do I say the things that I do? why did I react in a certain way? why do I prefer X over Y? These can be real time analyses, not relying on past or present, but as they relate to the current self. Being in tune with these questions and their answers helps make better, more instinctive decisions.